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| Today was hella random... Or at least, I just had hella random thoughts enter my little, ol' noggin. I'm talkin' about random what-ifs from the last 10 years of my life (ugh, that makes me feel SO old). Anyways, I'm gonna jump to the point instead of guiding you through my long and confusing train of thought... I ended up pondering on trust. When do you know when to trust people? When do you know when a person you trust is actually lying to you? And by lies, I mean lies... not little white lies like "no, you don't look fat in that outfit." I'm talking about lies that alter friendships. I'm not sure if I just have major trust issues because of my past (no, I am not lingering on my past, I am accepting it as experiences that has shaped me into the way I am and the way I think now) or if this is an issue that most people have... But I just wonder if people can be straight up, honest, completely trustworthy, etc. with each other or if it's just human nature to lie. Well, whatever it is, a lie may hurt... but it beats losing complete trust of a friend. So, whatever the issue, tell the truth. Sugar-coated or not, tell the FREAKING truth. I know of no one that is good at that, but hey... let's try it out for a change, shall we?
That's all. Toodles! | | |
| So once again, I got pretty damn heated today.
Today was mine and my boyfriend's 1 year and 2 month - iversary. (Not that we normally celebrate it, it's usually a "happy blah blah anniversary!" and then we go on with our day.) He and I decided to go out to eat since we had a little extra money to spare that he got from his aunties... You know how Filipino aunties are. If you don't, they usually give money to their grandchildren and/or nieces and nephews (and sometimes children after they move out) when visited... or just whenever. Anyways, we got to Olive Garden (yes, we absolutely LOVE the soup, salad, and breadsticks. We're piggies like that... hehehe) and I was spacing out. He asked what was wrong and I asked, "Why are we even here?" All I could think about was, we could be eating at home saving money. Of course he said, "For us." There were so many thoughts going through my mind about what to say next, but I just stayed quiet trying to organize my thoughts... "How are we gonna pay rent?"
Ugh, we pretty much had this serious discussion about what direction we were going with our money, or lack there of. He said, "I hate it. Can we not talk about money? Money ruins everything." Of course, I blurted out something hurtful towards him... but he just ignored it. Anyways, he's right. Money is so stupid. We started talking about starting a revolution... about how the government has corrupted our minds straight from the beginning. You know, through all of our textbooks? The ones that promote patriotism and skip out on the juicy details... Kind of like how the government stopped trade with Japan, but continued with other countries. Telling us it was the Japanese that brought us into the war by bombing Pearl Harbor. Well, doesn't it seem like America was against Japanese by cutting off trade with them? I mean... The Japanese didn't randomly decide to bomb Hawaii's Pearl Harbor. No. America provoked them. And man, when you keep reading between the lines, you will soon realize how corrupt the government is...
Whatever happened to the decisions made by the people for the people? Okay, we have tons to say... But who do we tell? Everyone else? Noooo, we tell our leader: the president. Then he decides whether he's okay with it or not and whether or not he should speak about it or not.
What I'm trying to say is, this is life isn't what you think it is. There is so much more to it! So take this advice: don't just read what's given to you; read BETWEEN the lines. Also, here's something to think about: "How do you know what I'm teaching you is true? For all you know, I could be feeding you with lies." -- said by my boyfriend's teacher in high school (not word for word, but same exact meaning).
Alright. Toodles! | | |
| Pissed. Shaking. THIS is why I hold back, why I resist.
Let me tell you a little bit about my vulnerable self. My name is Xenia and I'm small. Not only am I physically small, my temper is small. I cry easily, I smile fast, I laugh at everything, but worst of all... I fall so hard so fast.. Trust so much so quickly. I try so hard to resist, yet I can't. Try to hold back, yet I fail.
Here's something important: I have very, very, VERY low... self-esteem. Don't lie to me if you don't think I'm really "cute." Don't lie to me if you don't think I'm really "pretty." Don't lie to me if you think I'm really "perfect." I want blunt. I want the truth. I want comfort in imperfections. I don't want sugar sprinkled on top of SHIT because either way, it stinks and would MOST LIKELY taste nasty (not that I would know).
When I figure things out, find out what you're true feelings... it hurts. Yeah, okay, looks aren't everything... But to me, it hurts to think I'm ugly or just "ALRIGHT" or that "YOU COULD DO BETTER" and then have you in agreement with that. Especially when you weren't even upfront about that shit to begin with.
Ouch.
BTW. No comments, no sympathy, no bull shit. In all honesty, I just really needed to get this off my chest. And no, there is no intention in insulting anyone... Just the intention in getting this shit out of my fucking head. So no bad thoughts, just read with no judgement... Thanks. | | |
| 5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
Yes. Pay off your credit cards every month. See your minimum payments? Pay more than that. Actually, don't even rely on your credit cards for anything besides maybe... gas. Dedicate one credit card for one specific necessity. Don't dedicate it as back up money for when you're running low on money in your checking. Oh ho ho, nooooo. Don't use it while saying to yourself, "it's only $5." Oh. My. Goodness. I hate credit cards. Get them to build your credit. Use them only when you can pay them off. Don't sign up for more than 3 credit cards. Why 3? Because I like that number. LOL!
Screw credit cards. Screw long blogs.
Pay it off. | | |
| Hi, I'm sarcastic.
Just like Chandler from FRIENDS, I use jokes to cover the misfortunes I have. I'm uncomfortable and do not know how to comfort people without attempting to make a joke. I like to make people laugh, and so I try under whatever the circumstances are.
Just like a human being, I make mistakes. I'm stupid sometimes, yes, I know. I sometimes say things without thinking, and when I'm mad, I usually say things that I don't mean because they're out of spite, and not from my heart.
I unknowingly put people on blast, and I've apologized a trillion times for it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And for doing that shit to you, I give you permission to put me on blast just like I'm knowingly putting myself on blast for making a mistake and saying stupid ass shit on twitter, on facebook, on myspace, on whatever.
BYE. | | |
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